I’m pleased to see this horrible week come to an end. I’ve had some really bad days and one day in which I didn’t brush my hair or teeth and hid under a blanket almost all day. It is not okay to skip hair and teeth brushing lady, man the fuck up. Sometimes I like to imagine what it would be like to win the lottery. I actually spend quite a lot of time daydreaming about it and what I would do. If I buy a lottery ticket I never check it right away, I often carry it around for weeks because it gives me hope that I still might be a winner. I think of all the stresses in life that could be taken away if I was rich but no amount of money will make me really happy and cure my crazy. Given my poor hygiene and low feelings of self worth this week I thought I should spend some money on girly things. Everyone knows that when you look good your confidence and self esteem increases. Some might argue that it is superficial to feel that way but those people are probably ugly with poor fashion sense.
Here are my self-esteem boosting purchases:
That nail polish looked black in the first picture didn’t it?! Acting! The Royal magazine trivia was an impulse purchase that I was embarrassed to buy but am excited to think about all the fun I’m going to have quizzing my friends!
Have you ever heard that if you put earbuds up your nose and open your mouth that your mouth will become a speaker? That seems logical to me. I’m not saying I’ve tried it but what I will say is that you shouldn’t bother trying it because it doesn’t work.
I don’t have much faith in natural products. For my first post 9/11 flight I took something called “calm aid” to help me relax and hopefully get some sleep. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect and I became hyper, fast talking and unable to sleep. That flight ended up with my friend and I becoming increasingly concerned about the behaviour of another passenger. We fed off eachother’s crazy and created some sort of whirlwind of super crazy. We put our shoes on to prepare ourselves for what we felt was the inevitable need for us to intervene and physically take down aforementioned passenger. I also went to the flight attendant to report a possible terrorist. He was spoken to and we landed safely. You are welcome other passengers!!
Now let’s compare that flight to the most recent flight I took. I knew natural remedies weren’t going to cut it so I resorted to a mix of benzodiazepines and whiskey. Here is a note I typed on my phone mid-flight:
Regardless of my lack of faith in natural remedies I took a 5mg melatonin at 7:30pm and by 8:30pm mid episode of Malcolm in the Middle I fell asleep. I guess that means they work. I woke up approximately one billion times but I still got more sleep than I have been lately so #winning!