Day 167: use one of those standy uppy desks

I spent the day working on a project in someone else’s office. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you have a real door that closes. I spent the first half of the day sitting on a chair that looked like someone ejaculated all over it. I considered cleaning it but decided that dry cum was less gross than wet cum. It wasn’t until lunch that I realized the desk looked so strange because it was the kind that moves up and down so you can stand up to work. I gave standing up a try and before I knew it three hours had passed. I wish I had a standy uppy desk.

I had my music playing on shuffle today. Do you ever do that? Sometimes you get one shit song after another but you can’t say much because it was you who put those shit songs there to begin with. A lot of my music reminds me of certain events or certain people. When some of them come on I just say “noooope” and skip. Today “scared” by the tragically hip came on. The year was 1995 or maybe 1996, I forget. It was the age when if you really wanted to see a concert you had to line up for tickets. At the time I was actually not all that fond of the tragically hip but I had a friend who was and so I decided to keep him company overnight waiting in line for tickets on a school night. I remember I was wearing one of those sweaters that was big enough to fit two people, looked like it was made in South America and smelled like hay that a hundred farm animals had slept on. I also had on my clear blue pager. I was the shit. The lineup was filled with peculiar people and music played all night long. I met a guy in line. He was powerless to resist my farm sweater. We went for a walk to his car and he asked me if I knew how to drive stick. I said “no, I don’t know how to drive.” I very quickly learned that by stick he meant penis, and by drive he meant get the fuck on my penis. My sweater and I had some standards so no driving occurred that night, despite what my friend thought and decided to tell all his friends at school the next day. When we got back to the ticket line, “scared” came on and I danced with him in the middle of the line completely oblivious of everyone around us that was staring. I never saw him again but I think of him every time I hear that song.

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