Day 172: Realize you are not the low maintenance girl you always thought you were

I’m a day behind posting yet again.  If it counts for anything I actually wrote this post in my head a couple times over while I scrubbed two days worth of music festival dirt off me yesterday in the shower. 

So this is a hard post for me to write actually because I have literally my entire life thought that I was low-maintenance.  Maybe from reading this blog you’ll be laughing at me for thinking this way.  Perhaps I’ve been the only one who thought I was easy going and easy to be with. It’s hard to have something hit you so hard right in the face that tells you you’ve been wrong about yourself. I thought that I could be that person who just let’s things roll off their back, doesn’t care what other people think about them and is easy to get along with.  Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I must be a terrible monster to live with. I am demanding and I expect perfection in people even though I clearly am not perfect myself. Spending some time thinking about my post from Thursday night was an eye opener for me.  Thursday was my enraged night because things were not ready when I wanted them to be to leave for this road trip. I wish I could say that from now on I won’t care if I’m late and prepared or not, but I know that will never happen.  It will always cause me anxiety and stress to not be organized and prepared.  What I wish I could change though is the fact that instead of focusing on the negative, I could have focused on the positives.  Instead of being furious that baby daddy (need to find a better name) wasn’t ready, I should have been grateful that he drove 7 hours in the middle of the night to go to a music festival with 200,000 people.  He is an introvert and overall dislikes being around people, especially crowds of people. He went though because he knew that I wanted to go and it was important for him to try something that I was interested in.  When we were together our differences in personality and interests kept us from doing many things together. It’s pretty fucking great that now as friends we have finally learned to communicate a little better and can support each other.  Or at the very least we are continuing to try.  Hindsight you are a sonofabitch. 

Today’s song of the day is brought to us by my vocal boyfriend Dan Smith of Bastille.

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