July 31: leave the only place I’ve ever lived alone

I remember in October of 2013 when I first moved into my own place I cried myself to sleep the first four nights. But like everything else in life that is new and challenging, it gets better.

I came to enjoy my new place and the freedoms it brought. I became comfortable with my new routines and looked forward to leaving promptly at 8am for my half hour walk to work each morning. I had several homeless men that I would greet on their respective corners on my way and several individuals whom I would pass at the same spot at the same time each day. I could always tell if I was running late if I passed them earlier in my walk than usual. And then there’s Mags. I won’t explain Mags again as she’s been previously discussed but with my hospitalization I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. She won’t know what happened to me. Sometimes in life there are people that become a part of your day and for various reasons sometimes they just disappear. It’s sad because they brought you a sense of comfort, familiarity and happiness and then they are gone. Because of my own anxiety and need to constantly over analyze things when people leave my life I always assume they are either mad at me or they are dead. I wonder if Mags will think I’m dead.

I will miss my beautiful kitchen. I didn’t cook in it very much and it wasn’t big but it looked pretty.


I will also miss my big bathroom with it’s tankless water heater which meant showers at 118 degrees exactly for as long as I wanted.


The ongoing construction wasn’t very nice though. That’s the problem with new builds I guess. It only took them 10 months to finish the lobby. Done just in time for me to move out.


Before returning my keys I had to clean out one pot from the fridge (Mac and cheese with a collection of various types of mold) and sweep the floors. My sweep contained about six hair elastics, four bobby pins, two cat toys, one rugrats glow in the dark dinosaur sticker, one skittle (I don’t buy skittles), two mismatched beads, one goldfish cracker (yeah, I buy those. Cheese trio bitches!) and five used q-tips (my cat learned how to open my garbage can, pull out the q-tips, play with them then lose them under the area rug and bathmat). Also some dirt and hair but that’s just gross.

I don’t regret moving there and I don’t regret leaving either. I will always have memories of that interesting chapter of my life.

I saw a transvestite tonight who was prettier than me. I hate that.

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