August 14, 2014: accept imperfection

Just when I think I’m doing really well I have a not so really good day. In the grand scheme of bad days, it’s not particularly horrible though so there’s that.

Remember yesterday when I said how good it was going to feel to get rid of that bin of shit? Well it was picked up this morning but instead of feeling pleased and accomplished all I could think of was what work was left to do. I had become accustomed to my apartment where I didn’t have a lot of stuff and everything I did have had it’s place. It was also brand new so nothing needed updating. While I am definitely pleased to be back with my family in my home, it is an old home with low storage, small closets, updates galore and lots of stuff.

I started to get to work cleaning and organizing this morning. It quickly seemed like a fruitless effort because while I worked in one area, the regular cleaning (dishes, vacuuming etc,) mounted. When I put away some of my laundry I had a ridiculous (in retrospect) meltdown which involved me getting upset because I don’t have enough space to hang all my clothes. I’m sorry (I’m not) but I like my pants and t-shirts hung up not folded in drawers. I am not an animal! I decided that the only solution was to buy a bigger house, and when that solution was shot down I climbed in my bed and under the covers.

I know now it was not just about the clothes, I was feeling overwhelmed. I had too many things to accomplish and my mind was on perfection. I need to work on my own expectations and what is realistic.

This afternoon I am taking a small break with a glass of champagne in my backyard who’s lawn needs to be cut and gardens weeded. I’m trying to let that go. I’m going to stick my hands on my tomato plants and then smell them. Like this!!!!

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Look at that terrible picture quality… Who cares?!! Perfection smurfection.

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I shall now make a to do list to help with the visualization of my accomplishments. Plus, who doesn’t love making lists?!

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