I slept like shit last night and today I was a ball of anxiety. Work was long and I’ve decided that its overrated. By the time I’ve made school lunches, my own lunch, dishes, dog walks, garbage out, dinner and about a dozen school forms completed the day is done. Except of course it isn’t because you have to work on top of that. How a working parent maintains a tidy home I will never know. I think a healthy dose of whiskey upon return home from work in the evening might do the trick. I’ll consider it. If I could trade my depression and anxiety for another mental illness I would most certainly choose a mild OCD with regards to tidiness. Then perhaps I would feel fulfilled in my tidiness rather than exhausted and resentful. The grass is always greener right?
A month or two ago I purchased a deck of tarot cards and an easy handbook to learn about them. They’ve sat around for quite awhile which is odd for me as I love opening and looking at new things. I brought them to work and thought I’d learn over my lunch hour. Apparently you’re meant to read the whole book through before you begin so I did a very high level peruse. After reading the book the cards are supposed to spend a night under your pillow to transfer your energy. I figured they’d sat around the house long enough to absorb plenty of energy already. You aren’t to lay the cards out on a table, they need cloth of some kind so I spread my yellow cardigan with gold flowers buttons across my desk. I imagine had someone walked in on me I might have looked foolish.
As you’re supposed to I had a question or rather a thought of a specific situation in mind before selecting my four cards. They were: the sun, queen of pentacles, four of pentacles and the hierophant. Based on my thought/question these cards all made perfect sense with no need to stretch or guess at any of their meanings. With that said now that I’ve perused at a slightly slower pace I see that I skipped an important step about how to select the four cards and what the placement of each represents. I should know in about six weeks or so if it was all complete bullshit. Although really if I did it wrong it’s bound to be bullshit right? Maybe I should try again. Well see. If it rains again tomorrow at lunch I’ll be desk bound again.
I’ve begun watching downton Abby and the grandmother bares a striking resemblance to my own grandmother. Right down to the horrible yet friendly pomp and racism. Perhaps if I didn’t watch downton Abby my house might not be as messy. A thought to ponder.