October 20, 2014: it’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to

I am pure shit at this doing new things thing. Gawd, I’ve cried on my birthday before, get a new damned thing. I’ll find something by the time I’m done writing this. Maybe.

I don’t know why I’m crying, nothing has happened and it’s not related to my birthday I don’t think. I’m old enough that birthdays don’t matter to me anymore. There have been some people today that I was surprised to hear from which was nice but expectedly there were some people I didn’t hear from at all (my family). I’m used to my family not remembering my birthday so surely it’s not that making me cry. My only birthday wish was to go out for dinner, which didn’t happen because one of my children had a hockey try out. Of course I don’t resent that, obviously that is more important. My weekend plans with friends were also cancelled due to an illness. I don’t blame them for being sick though, it happens. I’ve often said, the best plans are cancelled plans!

Sleep continues to elude me unless I take a sleeping pill. I can’t take them two nights in a row though because they don’t work the second night.

Work is fine although I find myself casually seeking other positions with increased frequency. I grow tired of the malicious manipulation of colleagues. Unless one is self employed though I suspect that is inevitable anywhere.

I wish I had a hamster that would let me dress him up in tiny sweater vests and bow ties. Actually I’d want a female hamster. Literally half of a male hamsters body is balls.

Depression is a dirty cunt whore that doesn’t care when the fuck she comes to pay you a visit. You could be all hey, it’s sunny, I’m alive, I ate some great cake and then dirty cunt whore walks up with her slutty skirt and smelly ground found cigarette and she’s all like “hey baby, you wanna feel sad? Yeah, let’s cry a little. just like that”

I’m going to buy some zombie garden gnomes on Amazon now. I wish I could shop with my fingerprint on Amazon like I can on iTunes. I’m going to make a circle of zombie gnomes around myself to scare dirty cunt whore away.

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