I woke up this morning with shaky hands that lasted for a couple of hours. I looked up some of the potential causes online and decided it was either stress/anxiety or alcohol withdrawal. The only way I could test the alcohol withdrawal theory was to try some alcohol to see if it stopped, then I thought that that sounded like an idea that a person addicted to alcohol would have so I skipped it. This weekend has been a giant ball of anxiety that has required three lorazepams. After just returning home from a family visit that my children misbehaved for followed by a weekend visit to Costco I feel like I really need another one. Instead I’m choosing to relax by writing this beside the fireplace while listening to my Buddy Holly vinyl. I long for peace and quiet but when you live with others, especially children, this is hard to come by. I tried to lie on the couch earlier so I could be peaceful in mind and body but every time I heard a dish in the kitchen it sounded like a bull running through a china shop. Every step in the hallway, a herd of elephants and then there was the dog puking up some sort of foam on the carpet beside me. If it wasn’t getting so cold outside, I’d consider spending some time in the backyard alone in a tent. The parts I miss most about my apartment was that it was always clean because I only had myself to clean up after, and the solitude, oh the solitude.
My son plays hockey four times a week and my daughter skating and ballet each once/week. I don’t know how this has happened, in my opinion it’s all just too much. What my kids really need is bootcamp to learn some damn manners. While I only know the basics about hockey, I know enough to understand what my son is talking about or how to give feedback after a game but ballet on the other hand I know little about. She started when she was 1.5 years old and for the first couple of years we were allowed to watch from inside the class which of course at that age is really just a bunch of kids skipping in circles and waving ribbons around. Now that she has just turned six things are getting a little more serious for her. There will be exams this year and she is expected to be practicing at home daily. We’ve bought her a barre and mirror for her room which still needs to be installed and the teacher has my memory stick to download the songs from the syllabus. My knowledge doesn’t extend past First Position and Tondue so it was time to learn a little. Thankfully the internet was there to save the day again, youtube specifically. I’m confortable with anything up to Fifth Position now but after that I think I’m out. I’ll just tell her she looks pretty.
Is it cold in here? Am I getting sick? It’s probably that damn flu shot. Motherfucker.