Today around mid-day I started
Feeling pretty shitty. I felt un-motivated and sad. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I thought maybe I’d be happier if I had a different job, had made different choices or lived a different life. I sat still for awhile and thought about the end of the day when I would go home and hide under my blankets to cry. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn’t want to give in to those feelings. I’m tired of feeling sad and having feelings I don’t want tell me what to do and how to act. I fully acknowledge that this is going to sound incredibly ridiculous but I remembered that episode of Lost I watched last week when Jack was explaining how he was able to operate as a doctor when he was scared. He said that he allowed the fear to take over for 5 seconds. He would count, and at the end of that 5 seconds he told himself he couldn’t be afraid anymore and moved on. In my head I told myself that I’d had enough. Depression was done for today. I put on my imaginary boxing gloves and I speed bagged the shit out of depression’s ball sack. I put on some Taylor Swift (don’t judge, you do what you’ve gotta do), danced at my desk and got some shit done. I’m not suggesting that this will always work but today it did and I’m pretty damn proud of myself for being able to do it.
When I got home there was a package from Amazon waiting for me. Amy Poehler’s book “yes please”. I’ve never felt compelled to read a memoir before but this one looks like it would be for me. I’m confident her and I would be friends in real life. Amy, Tina Fey and I. They’d be the funny ones…. I’d be the sad one that occasionally giggles at them from under her blanket fort hideaway.
I’ve read quite a bit of the bible in my younger years. Does that count as a memoir? Fuck it, let’s say no and that Amy is my first. Amy and I are going to bed together now. Please do not disturb.