November 25, 2014: commit yourself, to yourself

Last night I had a shitty night. I didn’t want to do anything and retreated up to my room before dinner. I hate being depressed, I really do. While isolating myself I did a lot of thinking about how I can work a little harder at avoiding feeling depressed. I came up with the following self-suggestions:

1. Stop treating your body like a garbage dump. Work has been a shit show and I have rationalized the horrible food that I’ve eaten as some sort of reward for my work stress. The reality that I know is that mental health and physical health are related, so I have pledged to myself to cut down on the shit. This morning aside from my usual crazy pills I also took B12 and probiotics. I also avoided the donuts at work.
2. Do something for yourself. I have come to realize that my life currently revolves around the activities of everyone else in my household. I don’t do any of my own activities. I know that after yoga I always feel great yet I haven’t been in probably 8 months. To that I officially dub Friday as my night. I do yoga and now everyone else will have to work around MY schedule.
3. Remember that you cannot control the actions of other people. As a person who likes to be in control (except in the bedroom where I like to be dominated…TMI?) I have a hard time accepting when people don’t act the way I think they should. I need to remember that no matter what I say or how I feel I cannot control how others act or treat me. That is their choice and I need to let it go. They have the right to react and respond as they see fit.

I’m certain that there were actually more points but given work’s shittiness I seem to have lost my memory, ability to make decisions and sanity as a whole.

For those who like follow ups: until today I’ve only had one sea monkey. He’s gotten quite big and I’ve called him Francois. He’s actually become quite entertaining and I’ve enjoyed watching him more than I ever thought I would. He brings me some peace and relaxation at work. I’ve felt badly for him being lonely but as of today I’m pleased to say that he has two newly hatched siblings.


This evening after work was me time. I went to an art gallery to see a cezanne exhibit. It was late and the gallery was quiet. In fact I only saw employees. I love the sound of an empty art gallery, it sounds like you can hear a powerful windstorm that is miles away. The exhibit was gorgeous but In order to avoid breaking all kinds of copyright laws I will show you only this one from the entrance.

It’s beautiful in its own right. After the gallery was dinner with a friend at my favourite Mexican place. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any margaritas. It just seems rude and maybe even racist to not have margaritas at a Mexican restaurant. Nobody likes a racist.

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