November 25, 2014: commit yourself, to yourself

Last night I had a shitty night. I didn’t want to do anything and retreated up to my room before dinner. I hate being depressed, I really do. While isolating myself I did a lot of thinking about how I can work a little harder at avoiding feeling depressed. I came up with the following self-suggestions:

1. Stop treating your body like a garbage dump. Work has been a shit show and I have rationalized the horrible food that I’ve eaten as some sort of reward for my work stress. The reality that I know is that mental health and physical health are related, so I have pledged to myself to cut down on the shit. This morning aside from my usual crazy pills I also took B12 and probiotics. I also avoided the donuts at work.
2. Do something for yourself. I have come to realize that my life currently revolves around the activities of everyone else in my household. I don’t do any of my own activities. I know that after yoga I always feel great yet I haven’t been in probably 8 months. To that I officially dub Friday as my night. I do yoga and now everyone else will have to work around MY schedule.
3. Remember that you cannot control the actions of other people. As a person who likes to be in control (except in the bedroom where I like to be dominated…TMI?) I have a hard time accepting when people don’t act the way I think they should. I need to remember that no matter what I say or how I feel I cannot control how others act or treat me. That is their choice and I need to let it go. They have the right to react and respond as they see fit.

I’m certain that there were actually more points but given work’s shittiness I seem to have lost my memory, ability to make decisions and sanity as a whole.

For those who like follow ups: until today I’ve only had one sea monkey. He’s gotten quite big and I’ve called him Francois. He’s actually become quite entertaining and I’ve enjoyed watching him more than I ever thought I would. He brings me some peace and relaxation at work. I’ve felt badly for him being lonely but as of today I’m pleased to say that he has two newly hatched siblings.

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This evening after work was me time. I went to an art gallery to see a cezanne exhibit. It was late and the gallery was quiet. In fact I only saw employees. I love the sound of an empty art gallery, it sounds like you can hear a powerful windstorm that is miles away. The exhibit was gorgeous but In order to avoid breaking all kinds of copyright laws I will show you only this one from the entrance.

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It’s beautiful in its own right. After the gallery was dinner with a friend at my favourite Mexican place. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any margaritas. It just seems rude and maybe even racist to not have margaritas at a Mexican restaurant. Nobody likes a racist.

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