There are a lot of people that hate christmas because of the constant barrage of questions and comments from their families about their singledom and/or childless state. For the many in this situation, I have compiled for you a list of responses to make them stfu forever.
“So, are you seeing anyone special?”
A. “Yes I am. I’m seeing myself. I am the best. I never argue with myself about who should replace the toilet paper or disagree on how often we should have sex. I am my favourite lover and know exactly what I want.”
B. “Last night I slept in the starfish position in my bed, warm because no one stole my blankets and woke up well rested because I didn’t hear anyone snoring. How did you sleep bitch?”
C. “No, I am happily single and unlike you I don’t have to worry about losing half of my assets in the divorce.”
“So when are you two going to have kids?”
A. “We live on a planet that is slowly being raped by over consumption and overpopulation. We don’t feel like we need to contribute to the problem in order to feel like we are valuable to society”
B. “Right after we spend our money on relaxing vacations and fast shinny cars”
C. “A quarter past never. We are fabulous and live fabulous lives devoid of small, whining , soul sucking assholes.”
Whether you are spending your holidays alone, with friends or with family, try to find joy in the things you love and when in doubt consume copious amounts of alcohol because that makes everything more enjoyable.