Today started out rough. I felt anxious about returning to work and almost had myself convinced that I was flu stricken. I was cold but sweaty and thought I had a fever but the truth was I was actually just wrapped up tightly in my blankets like a sweaty ball sack. Once I realized I didn’t actually have the flu it took a good hour of self talk to get out of bed and get ready. When I say self talk I genuinely have to motivate myself in my head, things like “come on, you can do this” and “alright, here we go, let’s be fabulous.”
I decided to start my anti-depressant ween down today. I take two Effexor each day, one is 75 mg and the other is 37.5 mg and today I just took the 75 mg one. I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms as of yet. I’ve been alcohol and caffeine free for two days now. While I don’t have a physical dependency on those substances, I think I’m going to discover that I’m not nearly as interesting as vodka tells me I am.
This evening in an ongoing effort to engage myself I activities that I enjoy rather than allowing my life to rotate around my family, I went to see my first Corpse plant or Amorphophallus Tittanum ( Titan Arum). Any horticulturists in da house? HOLLLLAAAA! This plant is native to Sumatra and rarely blooms. When it does, it blooms for 48 hours and smells like rotting flesh. The specimen I saw tonight was slightly taller than me at 5 feet 6 inches and was already in its second day so had begun its closing up to await death process. Because it was closing up the smell was quite mild and although not pleasing, was not particularly horrific. I was disappointed that it wasn’t grotesque because I had wanted to see if I could tolerate it or would be one of those people that covered their noses.
Here she is! Anythings a dildo if you’re brave enough.