January 7, 2015: Buy a ridiculously expensive mud mask and then post selfies of your gross pores online

This morning was another really hard one for me. I didn’t sleep well and when I finally did fall asleep soundly around 4:30am I got into a crazy dream. In my dream I was reading a book called “the whisky tree” and then I became the main character. I lived half a lifetime as this character, I felt fear, love and loss. I woke up emotionally exhausted and then got into full panic attack mode. I managed to get in the shower but ended up sitting down. I couldn’t escape my own thoughts and found myself plugging my ears and making noises so it would stop. As I was doing this I had the sense to realize that if anyone were to walk in on me I would look like a crazy Gollum so I stopped. While still sitting I started scratching my legs because they were itchy. It was another distraction from my thoughts and it felt good so I kept going until the water ran so cold it hurt and my legs were bleeding. Perhaps if I exfoliate and moisturize more i can avoid this in future. I don’t know how, but I made it in to work. What got me through the day was thinking about snacks, Netflix and my new mud mask.

A few months ago I saw on Pinterest some pictures of glamglow clearing mud treatment that looked very pleasurably disgusting. The pictures of the dried mud showed all the pore gunk coming out. So gross but so satisfying. The online reviews were fantastic but then I saw the price. Wowza!!!!! I found the mud at sephora but couldn’t bring myself to pay the $86 for it until I remembered that I had a $30 gift certificate from christmas. While $56 for mud was still painful I bought it as an investment for my face (at least that’s how my brain rationalized it)

Pretty box.

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Oh, why thank you!

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The open box. Perhaps slightly over packaged.

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“Pore matrix”?! I’m pretty sure that’s not a real thing.

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When the directions say to apply a thin layer, they mean it. It dries much like cement and will leave you unable to express facial movements or speak without fear of cracking your whole face off. Regular readers may have noticed I don’t show pictures of my face, ever, but I figure this doesn’t really count. This is about the 10 minute mark, half way there.

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And drum roll please… Drrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I put it on a bit too thick in a couple spots but I’m pleased to say my pores didn’t come out nearly as disgusting as some of the other pictures I saw online.

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Washing it off was much like washing off dried cement but in the end my face looks and feels as soft and fabulous as a baby’s ass. Also I’m thinking I should probably never refer to a real baby’s ass as fabulous.

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