January 30, 2015: Look mom! No anti-depressants

Today was the day. My first day of no anti-depressants at all. Today was not supposed to be the day, it was supposed to be next week. I took my last one yesterday and my doctor gave me another weeks worth which were sitting at the pharmacy waiting for me to pick up. My withdrawal from the last ween down is done and I know more withdrawal from quitting all together is inevitable so I thought, why delay it? Let’s just get this shit over with. So, today is the day. It’s been nine years, three different pill brands, two psychiatric hospital visits, one suicide attempt and countless tears and no it’s over. I’m proud of myself for being able to get off Effexor on my own when most others can’t and I’m proud of making the tough decision to quit them.

I’ve been feeling really well and have seen my mood improve as the dosage of the pills went down. My anxiety has been under control as well which is surprising but pleasing. I’m not under any false pretenses that things will be rosy for me forever after and if I need to, I’ll get help again. Until then I will ride this personal experiment. Did anti-depressants for anxiety cause my depression or did my depression happen coincidentally simultaneously. I’m a fucking scientist now.

I’m thinking of throwing myself an “I’m off anti-depressants” party but that seems like a lot of work. Plus, you know, they’re be people to socialize with.

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