February 14, 2015: Get growing! How to start a vegetable garden from seeds.

I watched Noah last night with Rusel Crowe and Hermione Granger (sorry love, I don’t know your real name). I’m usually quite content watching most movies but this one was terrible and just a little fucked up.  A lot of inceste must have been happening in the Adam and Eve and Noah replenishing the earth days. Also, don’t stab babies.  Not cool Noah.

I’ve only had two vegetable gardens, both in the last two years.  Aside from beans which everyone knows are the easiest things ever to grow, I’ve never grown any of my vegetables from seed.  I’ve decided that this is my year!  I wanted to grow heirloom vegetables (mostly organic) instead of the genetically modified ones I’ve been getting from garden centres.  I ordered my seeds about a month or so from http://www.seedsavers.org/ and they arrived very quickly.

I’ve arranged them all with the bottom row including the ones that don’t need to be started indoors early, they can be sown directly outside in the spring.

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I’ve since learned that lettuce also belongs on that bottom row, no pre-sowing necessary. This is my dirty craft table.  Its quite large and usually folded up in a closet when I’m not using it but it will now be living in my family room for the next three months.  Here is my cat being a dick:

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I needed to determine which seeds to start when so I googled my last frost date. Mine is April 30th. Next on the back of each seed package it lists how many weeks before the last frost date you need to plant them. Using a calendar I counted backwards and figured out each plant date.

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Looks like I’m only doing celery for now. Normally to speed up the germination process you should soak the seeds in water before planting but celery seeds are tiny so that wasn’t happening.

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To start my seeds I wanted to spend no money whatsoever and also use something that I could plant directly in the ground and have decompose.  My solution was toilet paper rolls.  I would have preferred to use unbleached ones but I didn’t have any. I don’t know why toilet paper companies feel the need to bleach the cardboard at all to make the rolls. White rolls does not make my ass feel any more luxurious.

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Toilet rolls are round which makes it a bit tricky to close up the bottoms so you want to fold and crease them in half, then in half again the opposite way to make them a little bit more square.

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That’ll do. Next you need to cut a one inch or so slit on each of the four fold lines on the bottom. Like dis:

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Fold each flap down until the bottom is covered up like a box.

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For now until the shape stays put, I had to add a smidge of tape to the bottom which of course needs to be removed before planting in the spring.  When you fill them with soil it needs to be moist. I did a spool full or two then a light spray of water until it was full.  For those who roll their own smokables, you want to fill the roll kind of like you would for a smokable.  You don’t want to just fill it up all loosey goosey, you want to gently compact it a little as you go. Once I was all done I put them on a plastic lid to catch any water or soil that might make a mess along the way.

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As you can see, it’s not ideal.  They were a bit wobbly.  Next idea, I made a tinfoil base for them instead which kept them a little more supported.

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It’s not pretty, but that’s okay, it will work.  At least I think it will work.  It had better goddamn work. I put a clear container over top to create a mini-greenhouse.  This will keep moisture and heat inside and my dick of a cat outside.

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The extra celery seeds (of which there were many) are now sealed in a plastic bag and will still be good again next year.

It’s pretty fucking amazing how much shit I am getting done now that I’m off my anti-depressants.  I’m cleaning, making things and being generally quite pleasant.  I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking over the world soon.

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