March 31, 2015: Play Google Maps PacMan

I don’t know why, or how but Google has made Canadian Google maps playable as pacman games.

I’ve never been to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (spelled with no spell check thank you very much) but I picked it and was delighted to find that it had a nicely gridded street layout that seemed ideal for pacman. My first round was quite unpleasant and filled with me panicking and yelling “shit” a lot.  Then I realized that I had the sound off turned off and suddenly the game was more fun and I was better at it. I showed those fucking ghosts who was boss and chomped the shit outta them.

This just in: It’s google maps world wide now. I just chomped my way down Rue de Rivoli in Paris.

This just in: pacman is fun for about 30 seconds, then you remember that it’s not the 80’s and things have evolved since then.

March 30, 2015: Buy a documentary

This is yesterday’s post but I fell asleep just after 8pm watching 3rd Rock from the sun on Netflix.  I’m living the dream!!!!!

With my vegetable seedlings well underway and plans to expand my garden on my mind, I did some reading yesterday about permaculture.  If you’re not familiar with that term, it’s short for permanent agriculture. Essentially it’s different methods of farming in an environmental friendly and sustainable way.  While reading I came across the trailer for an upcoming documentary about permaculture in various climates both rural and urban. It looks pretty fucking awesome:

I’ve been all over documentaries lately on Netflix, OMG GMO, hungry for change, living on a dollar etc. They’ve been inspirational for me and have led me to quite drastically change my eating habits in the last couple of weeks. I like watching documentaries, but I don’t own any. Like most people I just don’t buy movies anymore.  This one really interested me though and it looks like it could be valuable to look back on later for reference so I bought it.  And not only did I buy it, but I PRE-BOUGHT it because it’s not even out yet! My savings are non-existent but it seemed like a project that needed support. If only I had friends who liked gardening and/or environmental issues we could have a watching party on release day.  There would be local organic party snacks held in artisan pottery, we’d drink local wine, get drunk and gently turn over my planting beds.

March 29, 2015: Make bread

Since  learning about a month ago what L-cysteine is (a protein made from human hair and/or feathers) that is commonly found in bread products, I have been avoiding fast food restaurants that serve burgers or subs and buying only fresh made in store bakery bread. I’m not eating hair, or feathers. Another reminder to always read the ingredients in what you buy. If you don’t know what it is, you shouldn’t put it in your mouth. Words to live by. 

I was the first one awake on a sunny Sunday so I decided today was the day Id make my first loaf of bread. While I am lazy, I’m still fancy so I went with an onion and cheese loaf. I found the recipe here:

1/4 of a cup of sugar seemed excessive to me so I just added a little sprinkle. I wanted bigger bits of cheese so I used the giant side of my cheese grater, although not all graters have that as an option. My grater is better than your grater!!! The recipe didn’t say what size pan to use so I went with a large round cake pan. Here it is ready to go in the oven. 


And here it is all done.


As its a yeast free recipe, it’s quite dense and more like a biscuit. It was delicious and paired well with my fresh lemon and green tea for breakfast. Next time I think I will actually make it into biscuits instead of a loaf. 

Who the fuck do I think I am now? Drinking tea and eating fresh bread on a Sunday morning. Awesome, that’s who I am. I’m awesome. 

March 27th, buy discount underwear and learn to use a cash register

A couple weeks ago I started to notice my underwear supply seemed to be decreasing. I thought maybe some was in thee laundry or gotten mixed in with someone else’s laundry. Then, I found it. Lifting up the mattress to get the dog out from under the bed, I saw them. A treasure trove of crotchless panties. My dog had been taking them from the laundry, eating the crotches and hiding the evidence. My dog is gay for me. 

I don’t like rummaging through piles of things when I shop. I like my clothes including underwear to be in nice little rows and hanging on hangers but the reality is when replacing a large number of underwear all at once I couldn’t afford the ones on the hangers. I could afford the 7 for $28 rummage through a pile kind. And so I am now the proud owner of 7 new pairs of discount panties with crotches.

In the evening, in preparation for my first bar tending experience next week, I learned to use a cash register. I don’t even know if that’s what they’re still called. I’ve never worked in service or retail before and hadn’t the slightest ideal of how to use one. I’m terrible at math and not keen on new things so it was a little intimidating at first. First I watched then I tried a few times and it will be easy enough once I get to use it. I’ll have to get used to it quickly because bar tending isn’t slow paced work. Oh god, what if I can’t hear people over the band and keep having to say “pardon?” or if I forget which is the premium liquor and which is the house? Maybe I’ll go in early and put sticky notes on everything. Yes, sticky notes will solve everything. 

March 24, 2015: after four years of owning an iPhone, realize I’ve been an idiot

not about owning an iPhone. I love my iPhone dearly and don’t regret a moment of the time we’ve spent together. What I do regret is that I have literally just now, after four years, learned how to save a picture from a webpage. All these years when I’ve wanted to send a funny picture via text to someone I’ve done a screen shot then gone into an editing program to crop out the background.  It turns out there’s a button that lets you view image and then another one that lets you save image!!! The future is now! 

And to the new followers after yesterday’s post: I’ve spent some time wondering what in particular about yesterday’s post made you want to follow. I’ve decided that you are either 

A: passionate about pickles or

B: sugar daddies

Either way, WELCOME! 

March 23, 2015: get my license to serve liquor

okay, we’ll start it at least. A friend asked me to help him serve a party he’s bar tending for on good Friday and I agreed. In order to do this I have to get my license to serve. It cost me $35 and said 3-4 hours. I thought it was an over exaggeration but sadly it’s not. It won’t let me advance to the next screen until they’ve read aloud in that slow well annunciacted voice. Damnnit. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to make more money than the cost of this license and my time. I’ll probably end up with a pocket full of buttons and lint as tips. 

On another note, I think restaurants should be advised to tell you when they change suppliers. Don’t fucking pretend that those pickles are the same, I know you’ve got a new pickle supplier and I think you should be forthright about it. 

And now I must mentally prepare myself to return to work after a 10 day vacation. Where my sugar daddies at? 

March 21, 2015: Learn creole

Im going to volunteer in Haiti at the end of this year and wanted to learn a little creole. The Creole language was created from a combination of French settlers and African slaves. I know French relatively well and thought creole would be easy to pick up.

Obviously there’s a free app for learning creole because there’s an app for everything. It’s going to be a little more challenging than I thought. Some of it is very easy, the Creole words sound almost identical to the French ones but are spelled very differently. It’s as though they just got a bit lazy and dropped some letters in speech and went with phonetic spelling. 

Thank you. Merci. Mesi. 

Then there are other words that are absolutely nothing like French at all. For those ones maybe I’ll make up some picture flash cards: “Where is the bathroom? I like cats. My, what a fabulous hat! “And yes, those are the three phrases I think will be most valuable. 

According to this app I’ve already mastered 10% of it. I am so smart. SMRT.