April 3rd, 2015: bartend 

Ive learned a few things from my 9 hour first bartending experience. 

1. No matter how comfortable you think your converse are, they are not standing on your feet for 9 hours comfortable. 

2. If someone’s change includes mostly a bill, don’t give them a bill give them change. Your tip increases that way.

3. Be friendly but don’t go out of your way. Don’t hold someone’s purse behind the bar. They will ask for it several times in the night and generally waste your time. If someone orders the wrong drink, tough shit. You ordered it and now it’s yours, it’s a pain in the ass to find a new home for three tequila shots because they actually wanted tequila rose. 

4. Beer drinkers are the best. They know what they want and they’re easy to serve. 

5. Some people are a pain in the ass. “I’d like a glass of Shiraz, but not in a wine glass, in a solo cup. Exactly three ice cubes.”

6. Some people will accuse you of watering down their drinks because after six they don’t feel drunk. From then on its helpful to pour in front of their faces to prove you’re not watering down.  Those people are also alcoholics. 

7, some people will claim you didn’t give them change. It’s helpful if you remember the exact change you gave them so they can feel like a dick when they find it in their wallet. 

9. Watching a party of drunk people as a sober person makes you feel better than everyone else. It also makes watching the interpretive dancing entertaining.

10. Drunk people are like children. They’re quite helpless. You have to call taxis for them and tell them where to stand and when to go outside and wait. 

My tips for the night were as follows:

1. One high five

2. One fist bump

3. One hug

4. Many handshakes

5. Tip:” don’t cook bacon naked.”

6. Many compliments by drunken men. 

7. A bag of pot.

8. $150

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