I can be assertive when I need to be but I am not particularly fond of confrontation. When I saved my neighbours dog from running into the street AGAIN I was pissed. It’s a Jack Russell and it is constantly escaping from their yard and running amok. I’m surprised it hasn’t been killed. After putting it on a leash I walked it back home and the owner was driving around looking for it. She stopped, laughed and said “I should put you on my payroll.” I said something like “shut the fuck up bitch and start talking care of your goddamned dog.” Thats paraphrased of course, that’s not exactly what I said, but she knew I wasn’t pleased. The good part is she lives far enough away that I won’t see her again until next time if have to return that fucking wiry little dog.
In other news, I believe I have finally determined the amount of alcoholic beverages I can consume without waking up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic and that number is three. Any more than three drinks and I need some drugs to calm me the fuck down. It’s been a fun/terrifying question to solve. Science!! Science? Maybe not science, but still.
I’ve also recently discovered a concrete way to measure progress in my mental health and that is by comparing my work absences from year to year. By this time last year I had been sick 16 days, this year, one day and that one day was because I was in terrible withdrawal from my anti-depressants. Although I can acknowledge that many of my depressive episodes last year were due to my situation at the time, it reinforces for me that going off my anti-depressants was the right choice for me. I know that they are the answer for many people and that’s okay, but for me, they were a big factor in my depression, suicidal thoughts and attempt.
I’m slowly learning to accept the fact that I was a little bit of fun Bobby. Now that I don’t drink much and am relatively sane, I’m pretty fucking boring. I’m embracing my inner boring person and am enjoying that flat monotonous ride.