July 8, 2015: buy an adult coloring book plus some other shit 

Apparently I write one post a month now. I still wonder whether or not I want to continue with writing this. Part of me is fearful to stop because I don’t want to lose everything that I’ve writen   in the past and the other part of me is simply too unambitious to continue. Several new things have come my way in the last month but my memory has more holes in it than my grandmas afghans. An incomplete list:

Do a charity 10k/6.2mil: let’s get real here, that bitch was a walk not a run so I guess I shouldn’t be too pleased with myself. It was like a music festival in that you had your campsite for the day, there were performances, food and porta-potties. Different from a music festival in that the theme was cancer. 

  
Get a manicure: Hi, I’m a grown ass woman that has never got their nails did. Until a few weeks ago anyway. I spent 6.5 hours at a surprise get together for a friend filled with people I didn’t know. I didn’t freak out and actually had a good time. That’s the real story here. Apparently I don’t like strangers touching me because the spa lady had to tell me to relax. I found it to be downright unpleasant when she filed my nails both back AND forth. It was gross and made me feel dirty inside. They looked great in the end but chipped off days later. Sad face. 

Had my umbrella stolen and possibly overreacted about it: that shit was pretty 

  

I genuinely went through the stages of grief with its theft. At first I was sad, very sad. Then I was in denial and looked everywhere for it. Next came anger, who the fuck steals an umbrella?! I posted on Facebook, put an ad on Craigslist and had friends looking for it. Now I have accepted that it’s gone. I like to imagine that the person who took it was in great need that rainy day and is strutting around being their fabulous theiving self. Several weeks later, I received a reply to the Craigslist ad from a man offering to give me $10 toward the purchase of a new one. He was a hippy and sent me some sort of meditation cult video from YouTube after I declined his money. 

Learn about sex gloves: I recently attended a pride party where I was one of two straight people. A woman there casually mentioned her box of sex gloves in a sentence and everyone just carried on like sex gloves were a regular part of conversations. They all knew what sex gloves were and I had no fucking clue. I had to google it. In case you are as sex glove ignorant as I was here are what they are used for:

  1. A fetish of those who like different textures, they might try leather, vinyl etc.
  2. Something to wear and switch out when going between anus and vagina to avoid infections.
  3. Something to wear and switch when going between different partners. 

I’m not sure what the party goers sex gloves’ primary usage is but I suspect #2.

Bake a pie from scratch: I actually feel quite ashamed that I had never made a pie by myself before. When I was little I used to help my grandma bake the pies for special occasions but for whatever reason I never made them on my own when I grew up…. Except the kind with pre-made shells of course because I don’t count those. I spent an hour on a ladder and picked a shit ton of cherries from my tree. Amongst other things they were made into a cherry pie. It was pretty fucking great. 

  
Buy an adult coloring book: they’ve been around for awhile but they’re pretty fucking trendy right now. That made me not want to buy one but what sold me was the fact that I actually really like coloring and that it’s scientifically proven to ease anxiety. I bought this one and it was delivered today.  

 The pictures and paper quality were better than I expected. It’s pretty awesome. Okay, I made up the scientifically proven part but I would love to participate in that study. Put me in a glass observation cube, yell, poke me, make me drink a king size can of Pepsi and tell me to write an essay on the quantum physics in 10 minutes with my life depending on a passing grade….. Then yell “just kidding! Color that shit out”.

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