July 15, 2015: Go to an endoscopy clinic

Before I get to endoscopy, let’s talk about yesterday when I convinced myself I had cancer and was going to die. Goddamn internet and imaginative brain. I got my blood work results back in less than 24 hours and it came back that my white blood cells were low which has never been an issue for me before.  I made the mistake of googling low white blood cells and of course the list of possible reasons was completely horrifying. Cancer, HIV, Hepatitis C etc. etc. Then I made the really really bad mistake of googling low white blood cells and tingling (tingling legs, feet and hands was the reason I had the blood work done to begin with)  The only damn thing that came back was myeloma, bone cancer.  Well shit, that was the end and I was convinced I was dying. After researching my likelyhood of survival I curled up in my bed and had a fantastic cry intermixed with thoughts about colourful wig options for when I lost my hair.  In hindsight, I might actually be dying, but it is more likely that my low WBC and tingling are two separate issues and absolutely nothing to do with cancer. More often than not my brain does not like to imagine the most simplistic and positive outcome. I have to go back again in a month and repeat the test in hopes that it will fix itself. On the plus side I won a $50 grocery card yesterday so I have that going for me which is nice.

Remember awhile ago when I was watching colonoscopy videos online? https://lazyanxiousgirl.com/2015/04/30/april-30-2015-watch-colonoscopy-videos/  Well, today was the day I met with a doctor for a consult.  I didn’t really know what consult meant, for some reason I thought it might have involved shoving a finger up my ass so I should be prepared.  In the end the only preparation I did was a shower.

Ewok-PREPARE-YOUR-ANUS

A consult does not involve any assplay. It involved him telling me that based on my family history I should have a colonoscopy done and repeatedly saying “Don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you.”. So yeah, my upcoming vacation will consist of one day spent starving myself and shitting out everything I own followed by heavy sedation and anal penetration with a tube the next day. I’m genuinely worried about the recovery room afterwards.  I don’t do well on drugs. One of two scenarios is possible:

1. I will get very emotional and cry non-stop

or

2. I will try to make drugged up conversations with those around me, possibly call them chocolate starfish chums and try to high five them.

A third vacation day will be spent going to my doctor’s office because I got another message today saying that my blood work showed very low B12.  I’m not sure why I got those results back one day later but regardless, my B12 is low enough that vitamins aren’t enough and I have to go get an injection. #vegetarianproblems.  The plus side of today, I FOUND MY UMBRELLA!!!!! Okay, not my actual one that was stolen, but the exact same online for 1/3 of the price I paid for mine years ago AND I could choose between different colours. I was about to stick with black but in the end I looked at the white one and quickly hit “add to cart”.  I am a wild woman, my adventures know no bounds!

umbrella

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