July 29, 2015: have a super fantastic colonoscopy 

After 28 hours of not eating I am pleased to report a weight loss of 5 lbs. colonoscopies should be the new fad diets. I had the misfortune of laying in a curtained off “room” next to other people who were coming out of their sedation before I had mine. The biggest, longest, curtain blowing farts ever were coming out of the people snoring beside me. The Curtains were closing in on both sides of me due to the air pressure. Not really but I feared  I would soon meet the same fate. I also had the misfortune of being a curtain away from the dr. Telling a patient and his wife that he had cancer. He just said it, so non chelantly and made zero attempts to soften the blow. I guess it doesn’t matter how you say it, all that person is going to hear is “CANCER”.  The couple didn’t seem upset, no tears, no questions, just “okay”. They were probably in shock. 

It probably took all of 10 seconds for me to fall asleep after they drugged my IV so I have no recollection of anything which is probably for the best. I woke up, got dressed and was given a lovely hand-out which included some screen shots of my colon. Compared to some of those colons I saw on YouTube, mine looks pretty damned good. It is completely normal and I don’t have to go back for another colonoscopy until I’m 50. Yay! 

I’ve slept for about five hours since I got home which seems a little excessive. 

If I was at that clinic for an esophagus scope (which they almost gave me by accident) I’d be damned certain I asked for a throat only scope and not an ass scope. Sanitized or not, who wants an ass scope shoved down their throat?!!! thats my fetish!*

*its the new “that’s what she said.” If you’re not using it already, you should be. You’re welcome. 

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